You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
