I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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