and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
