im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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