It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
