theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
