Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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