Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
