Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize