I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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