East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
