Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
