pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
