why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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