so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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