do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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