Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dear god my vagina.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
