his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
