I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
