PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
