McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
