I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
