Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
