VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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