Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize