I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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