I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
