well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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