I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
