YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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