After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I feel like a drive thru vagina
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize