sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
