best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I supernannyed him into submission
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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