the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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