I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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