i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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