There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
