Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
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