Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Randomize
