Ambien. No doubt about it.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
