Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
