You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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