Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
