you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
