It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
