I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
