just come out here and I will go home with you...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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