That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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