What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
