Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
