This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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