He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
