Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize