So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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