I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
