When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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