I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize