I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
