Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
