16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
