I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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