Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
