Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
