btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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