She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
