I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
